Ex will not return my belongings: who helps?

Summary

If an ex still has your belongings months later, and delays sending them even after you offered postage, who helps is a written list and a deadline, then the civil court if the list is ignored. In England and Wales that letter is a letter before claim. The claim, if you still need one, is usually for the return of the items or their second hand value, through Civil Money Claims where the figure is no more than £10,000 and you can state it. The police will record a crime if there is a theft, a threat, or criminal damage. They will usually tell you that a breakup argument about who keeps the boxes is civil. Do not go to the property to take things if you do not have a right to be there. Citizens Advice explains the letter and whether a small claim is worth the fee. They will not draft it as your solicitor or turn up to collect the items. If you are married or in a civil partnership and the dispute is really about dividing the household, the family pages and mediation come first. This page is the narrower problem: specific items that are yours, and a person who will not hand them over.

Key information

• Make a list of the main items only. Photos, receipts, and messages where you identified them as yours are the evidence. Trivial objects are not worth a claim.
• Value them as second hand, not as new replacements, unless a particular item was new and unused. Citizens Advice warns that a weak value sinks a claim.
• The letter should be headed letter before claim. Include your name and an address they can reply to, what happened, the list, the sum if you are claiming value, a 14 day deadline, that you are willing to try mediation, and that you may start a claim if there is no reply. Keep proof of postage. Citizens Advice sets this out on making a small claim.
• Offer a practical handover: a neutral collection slot, or postage you have already paid, with tracking. A court looks at whether you tried to sort it out.
• Do not harass. A letter and one chase is the path. Repeated messages at work, or turning up uninvited, can become the problem you are then defending.
• Scotland uses simple procedure, and the money limit is lower (£5,000). Northern Ireland has its own civil process. The steps below are England and Wales.
• Citizens Advice: An adviser will help you decide if the items are clearly yours, if the value justifies a fee, and if the other person is likely to be able to pay or return them. They can point you at the letter before claim rules and at deciding whether to make a small claim. They will not serve papers, value a wardrobe, or contact your ex. If there is domestic abuse, they will point you to specialist help and away from a DIY confrontation. Safety outranks the boxes.
• the court: A small money claim can end in an order to pay the value if the items are gone, or can be framed so the person returns them. It does not send bailiffs to break in on the day you file. There is a fee, which you might get back if you win, and you might not get it back if you lose. If you expect to recover more than £10,000 it is not treated as a small claim. Read the form rules before you issue. Mediation is offered for a reason: a fought claim about household goods often costs more in time than the goods are worth.
• Your ex, via a letter before claim: Can agree a date, a courier, or a handover They will not: Does not have to accept a demand that is abusive or that lists things they own. Reach: Post with proof of sending, plus one email copy.
• Citizens Advice: Explains the letter, the fee, and whether a claim is worth it They will not: Does not collect the belongings or write as your solicitor. Reach: Making a small claim.
• Civil court: Can order payment of the value, or deal with return of goods where the form allows They will not: Does not attend the address the day you apply, and is a blunt tool under £10,000. Reach: GOV.UK make a court claim for money.
• Police: Investigate theft, criminal damage or threats They will not: Do not supervise a breakup collection of ordinary belongings. Reach: 101, or 999 if you are in danger.

Practical guidance

• List and evidence this week. Stop adding low value items.
• Letter before claim with a 14 day deadline and a workable collection or postage plan. Send it so you can prove delivery.
• Citizens Advice if you are unsure of the value, or the other person says the items were gifts or joint purchases.
• Civil Money Claims only if the deadline passes and the value is worth the fee. Paper form N1 if you cannot state a fixed sum or the online rules exclude you.
• Police on 101, or 999 if there is immediate danger, only where there is theft, damage, or a threat. Ask for a reference if they agree a crime has been committed. If they say it is civil, use the letter, not a second police call about the same boxes.
• Family mediation if you were married or in a civil partnership and this is part of dividing a home. The wiki page What happens to household items and personal belongings after separation (not married)? is the wider split. Use it when ownership itself is the fight. Use the letter before claim when ownership is clear and the hold up is delivery.

Related topics

More in this area

• Divorce Financial Settlements: Your Guide To A Fair Settlement
• Home ownership and living together
• Inheritance claim if you are left out of a will
• Registering a civil partnership
• Should The Law on Cohabitation Be Reformed?